Standard disclaimers apply.
SPOILER WARNING: Look, this fic is set after Frontier ends. If you
don't know what happens to Kouichi at the end of the series you might
not want to read this.
SUBTEXT WARNING: Read whatever you want into it. I won't mind.
I see him fidget out of the corner of my eye, his fingers curling
slightly and then relaxing on the table. It is as if he wishes to
deny the impulse he feels. I can't help but smile at these antics of
his. I know that his resolve, whether it is real or just imagined on
my part, will not last long. Not long at all.
It is only a few seconds, a mere handful of ticks on the clock,
before I feel the familiar sensation of his fingers sliding down my
arm, stopping only when his fingers curl gently around my own.
Ever since we returned, he can't stop touching me. It is as if he is
afraid that I will vanish again if he isn't touching me. This isn't
the Digital World, however, and I have no intention of going
anywhere. But I can't say that I mind his need to touch me at every
given opportunity. No, I can't say that at all.
There are times when he won't touch me, of course, and these are
mostly only when our father is present. Our father does not like me.
I think his dislike of me stems from either his embarrassment at
being caught in a terrible lie or his shame at being estranged from
one of his sons. Then again, that just may be my own wishful
thinking, but I would like to think that he doesn't hate me just for
existing. That would be very... sad.
Kouji does not appreciate our father's attitude towards me, but he is
also afraid that our father would try to keep us apart again if we
appeared too familiar when we are together. This is why he will not
touch me in our father's presence.
Our other mother is another matter altogether. She does not wish to
replace our mother, she told me this once herself and her actions
have only proven her words since, but her concern for me is always
genuine and thus I cannot truly think of her only as Kouji's mother
any longer. She is simply our other mother.
Kouji will always touch me when our other mother is present and our
father is not. In fact, I would hazard to say that he goes out of his
way to touch me when she is near. I think he is trying to show her
that he is happy when we are together. I do not think he knows, but
he does make me feel very wanted whenever he does this. I like that.
He is always hesitant in everything that he does around our mother. I
think he is afraid that he may disappoint her in some way or another.
I do not think that there is anything that he could actually do that
would disappoint our mother. I hope he will realize this one day. His
uncertainty does not stop him from touching me when we are with our
mother, it only makes him hesitate more often. He is fun to watch
when he fidgets.
When we are with the others it is almost as if there is a contest
going on between Kouji and Takuya about who gets to touch me more
than the other. There is definitely something up with those two, I'm
not quite sure what, but I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.
Hopefully, this will happen before I end up with them both crawling
all over me at the same time. They could try the patience of a god
when they're like that.
There are brief touches and lingering touches during the day, but it
is at night when he is sleeping over that he touches me the most. He
cannot seem to stop himself at all then. Once we are in bed he will
curl up against my side, draping the arm that is not trapped beneath
him across my chest and tucking his chin upon my shoulder. This is
how he sleeps when we are together. It does not seem like a very
comfortable position to sleep in, but he seems to manage just fine.
He always wakes before I do, I know this because he is always
watching me when I finally do wake up. His expression is always very
serious when he does this, but it will change when he sees that I am
watching him back. He'll smile at me then. It is a small smile, but
it is soft and kind and one he rarely uses. I wish he smiled like
that more often.
I wish there were other ways I could reassure him that I'm not going
anywhere, but touch seems to be the only way that really works for
him. I do, in fact, rather like it that he wants to touch me. I just
don't like how he worries about me so much. I have absolutely no
intention of dying again. At least, not any time soon. Who does? But
once is apparently more than enough to make him need to touch me at
every chance to make sure I'm not going to do that again.
I suppose he could have come up with something really weird if he
hadn't decided to settle on touching. However, I do find it quite
strange that he hated being touched, according to Takuya, when they
first arrived in the Digital World. It is very hard to imagine him
being that stand-offish then when he can't seem to keep his hands off
me now. Actually though, that probably explains why he prefers
touching. Touching must mean something special to him since he avoids
doing so with most people, and I guess I'm sort of special to him now
too. It makes sense anyway.
Besides, I have to admit that he's terribly cute when he's feeling
clingy. It's a pity he'd just pout if I told him that, though he's
also cute when he pouts. He does cute very well, but I'll never tell
him that. His dignity couldn't stand it if it came from me. I'll let
Takuya do it.
Shhh. Be vewy vewy quiet. We are hunting wabbits. Depending on
whether we are successful or not, there might actually be more to
this. Fear the evil plot bunnies.